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It’s been a while since I last posted here. Part of me wonders why I continue this domain and site. The other part of me says maybe someone will stumble across this anonymous space in the Interwebs, and get a chuckle or something out of what I’ve written. Whatever happens, I guess my plan is to continue it as a place for me to vent.

What are the rants of today do you ask? Well, first I’m gonna take you on a rant about mental health. I, like so many other people in this world, was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Go ahead and do I it, sigh, shake your head or scoff; I know you want to. Explaining BP to someone that has no understanding of it is like teaching a ladybug how to do the Flamenco… IMPOSSIBLE!

I had been living with being the one that spent a great deal of time alone trying to just get out of the bed in the mornings. Living life was hard, and my doctor sent me to a therapist. The therapist gave me a reason why life worked the way it did for me. But I refused to believe that I was “one of those people.”

So I refused to take the meds she prescribed. Then, the bottom fell out of my world when one of brothers died. He was only 16 and it was just so sudden. Everything just seemed ten shades of worse.

I hid my real pain as much as I could from everyone around me. I also hid the fact that I was diagnosed with “constant sadness and mania.” But I saw a documentary that made me see just how intense this whole depression thing can be. The name of it was Boy Interrupted. (Clink the link to learn more about a mother’s story of her son)

The film was about a boy named Evan Perry that had Bipolar Disorder and ultimately committed suicide at the age of 15. (The funny thing is, well not funny but interesting, is my brother’s name was Evan) Anyway, all the things the parents, family and friends explain about Evan’s life before and up to his death was like a carbon copy of my own experiences.

He had talked about suicide before, as had I. He often had mood changes for no real reason, I did all the time. A friend once asked me, “What Lex am I getting today?” I didn’t get it then, but I do have different “types” of me regularly.

Mental health can be so different for each and every person. Losing my brother and seeing that film made me realise that maybe I should just own up to being “one of those people,” and just take the sodding meds. Life is short and living it miserable is not living at all. I just wish more people would stop shunning those of us that do have issues/problems and try to be more understanding.

I’ll rant more later. I’ll also be ranting more frequently. I think we all should!

Oy. To. The. Vey.

-Lex